Belts

   

I’m having a dilemma

And need some help please!

If I don’t wear a belt

My pants fall to my knees

♥

And if I wear a belt

It’s so tight I will pop

I can hardly breathe

And I have a muffin top

I try to adjust it

To get the belt just right

But every setting seems to be

Too loose or tight

♥

I’ve tried each type of belt

Leather, cloth and plastic

I thought I solved my problem

When I tried elastic

Until that belt stretched out

It was quite immodest

My pants fell down at school

And they sent me to the office

♥

The principal looked stern

I didn’t have a chance

I trembled as I stood

Holding tightly to my pants

He said, “I have decided

The verdict to be rendered

Is for you to be

Immediately suspendered.”

The Bad Hobbit

I know of a bad hobbit

He’s very irritating

He’s always doing something

That people find frustrating

He likes to chew his fingernails

He likes to pick his nose

You’ll notice that the table’s

Always under his elbows

He never wipes his feet

When he comes into a house

And when he chews his dinner

He doesn’t close his mouth

He won’t cover his face

If he needs to cough or sneeze

I’m not sure if he’s ever said

A thank you or a please

He’s often interrupting

He doesn’t listen well

I don’t think that he bathes much

Going by the smell

He makes lots of rude noises

And then acts very proud

He gossips and complains

And always talks too loud

I know of a bad hobbit

I doubt you’d like to know him

There are no books about him

Though someone wrote a poem

The Hamster

My friends call me “The Hamster”

I don’t know why but often wonder,

“Why do they call me ‘The Hamster?’”

It’s a question that I ponder

I ask why while I try on pants

In a short and husky size

You can see the question linger

In my beady little eyes

“Why does my girlfriend call me ‘Hamster?’”

I wonder before I to go meet her

As I brush my large front teeth

And spray cologne that smells like cedar

I stroke my golden whiskers

And think with all my might

Good thing I like to stay up late

Or it might keep me up at night

I eat carrots, seeds and even nuts

I just don’t understand

Why do they call me “The Hamster”

When I’ve never eaten ham

© 2014 Karyn Linnell